Preliminary :
I found this great article some time ago, I love it 
Although I do not quite go with the "Do the Math" Numbers, because it
neglects the fact that "true subs" are rare between the wannabees as
well AND "true inexperienced newbie sub" are even rarer.
But the bottom line is still the same "Many wannabees, so be choosy and take your time".
Here we go :
----- 8< ----
This
article is written by an anonymous author so if you are the author of
this article or you know who the author is, please let us know so that
we are able to offer appropriate credit.
The
term ‘Acid Test’ is an old prospecting term. A powerful acid can
dissolve most base metals in a matter of minutes. Gold however, will
stand up to most acids. The ‘Acid Test’ was an easy way for people to
make sure they had a real nugget of gold and not a lump of the ‘fool’s’
variety. In the same way, these tests are meant to be quick ways to
identify fake Dominants. Passing all these
tests is no guarantee either. There is no replacement for getting to
know your prospective partner as well as possible BEFORE YOU EVEN MEET
IN PERSON if that is what you choose to do. Most of these tests are
designed for a submissive female trying to sort through men claiming to
be Doms online. They are largely based on the many questions I get asked
by my female friends still searching for a Dominant partner. Vanilla
males are usually after ‘easy sex’ and this motive makes them easier to
identify than a lot of the fake Doms out there.
Step One: Do the Math
Various
estimates and surveys have placed the ratio of true (i.e., natural)
male sexual Dominants to female sexual submissives at about one to ten.
However, a quick count in any given D/s oriented chat room would lead
you to believe that male Doms outnumber the subs at about two to one.
Now if there is actually only one male Dom for every ten female subs,
that means that 19 out of the 20 “Doms” you see online HAVE TO BE FAKES.
Keep this in mind. There is a 95% chance that any man you talk to
online claiming to be a Dom is no such thing. This leads us to our first
rule, a rule that all statisticians and scientists already know by
heart: “When in doubt, throw it out!” Your search for a suitable
Dominant partner (especially if you are seeking a serious long term
relationship as well) could easily take years. That’s hardly surprising,
most people spend years looking for that special lover, be they
‘vanilla’ or otherwise. Don’t be disheartened by all these drastic
ratios. BUT DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME either. If any of the prospects you
are chatting with online makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason,
drop him. Don’t give him ‘three strikes’ or ‘extra chances to win.’
Block out his screen-name and move on. There was only a one in twenty
chance he was legitimate anyway. Trust your instincts!
Step Two: Know Your Enemy
We
call them Snerts. We call them HNG’s (Horny Net Geeks). We call them
Wannabes. We call them Control Freaks. Sometimes, tragically, we even
find some that can only be called rapists and predators. They are all
your ENEMY. Don’t bother thinking they are anything less. Even a more or
less well meaning Snert can land you in a hospital. Sexual Dominance
and submission is not for dilettantes or amateurs: Not, now and never!
Even if he turns out to be a more or less nice guy, if he’s not a Dom,
he’s not going to give you what you really need. He will likely give you
many things you don’t (like medical bills and other assorted
headaches).
- Snerts
Snerts
are basically looking for easy sex. They are counting on the (highly
inaccurate) assumption that sexual submissives are simply ‘easy lays.’
Nothing could be farther from the truth, but that doesn’t deter them at
all. They are typically middle aged to somewhat older men. They are
often married. They are usually trying to bolster their flagging vanilla
sex lives with some casual screwing around. They target submissives
because they think that they won’t make demands on there sexual prowess
(another bad assumption). They can be easily spotted because they almost
always demand or at least emphasize sexual intercourse being a part of
their ‘scenes.’
- The HNG (Horny Net Geek)
HNG’s
are usually the most harmless (and yet often the most annoying) of the
enemy types. Most are teenagers and young men looking for some quick
cyber-sex or even phone-sex. They are usually pretty sophisticated about
there D/s jargon and the ‘scenes’ they describe to you can be pretty
elaborate. Geeks do their homework. They scour the porno sites for
ideas, and hang out in D/s chats for hours on end learning the ‘lingo.’
They are most easily spotted because they want to move on to cyber-sex
and phone sex very quickly. They like to offer online collars, and spend
hours on end in chat rooms ‘playing’ with their ‘subbies.’ Don’t waste
your time with them.
- Control Freaks
The
second most dangerous type of enemy is the Control Freak. Control
freaks are what most psychologists and therapists call ‘controlling
personalities.’ They are the type of person that wants to be in control
of everything around them. They want all their family and friends to
behave exactly as they say. They are extremely manipulative people.
These men can be dangerous because many really have convinced themselves
that they are Dominants to justify their dysfunctional lives. Many
inexperienced submissives may find themselves ‘naturally’ attracted to
these men because outwardly they seem so ‘in command’ of things all the
time. The truly ironic (and sad) thing is, a controlling personality is
actually the closest thing to the OPPOSITE of a sexual Dominant. Control
Freaks can be spotted because they often talk about ‘taking care of
you’ and also ‘knowing what’s best for you’. They almost always try to
play on your emotions; especially guilt. They also usually criticize and
even resent the advice you get from other people. They often talk about
24/7 D/s relationships without going into any details about what kind
of actual scenes they play. They are fond of telling you that they
prefer the ‘mental aspect’ of Domination and submission. They tend to be
both demanding and argumentative. Nothing you do will ever be ‘quite
right.’ While all this may seem very repulsive and easy to avoid, be on
your guard, the average control freak often seems very charming
initially. Once they have their ‘hooks’ into you it’s very hard to get
untangled.
- Rapists and Predators
The
last and most dangerous type of enemy is the rapist or predator. These
are the men most likely to damage or even end your life. The truly
frightening thing about these evil men it that there is NO easy way to
spot them.
Rapists
can be anything from bums to bank mangers, and anyone from family
members to total strangers. One in four women has suffered an attack
from this vile creature, and one in seven men as well! There motive is
violence. The best defense is never make yourself too vulnerable. To
defend yourself from predators, learn all the in’s and out’s of setting
up a good Safety Net. Follow these procedures religiously. Most
important of all TAKE YOUR TIME getting to know your prospective play
partners. This is good advice in any case. If you know your partner
well, you’re more likely to have a good time with him (because you will
feel more comfortable during that first Scene).
Predators
are more likely to move on in search of easy prey, they do tend to be
impulsive. If a ‘Dom’ you have been talking too suddenly seems to loose
interest in you after a period of time, you may have just saved your own
life. Don’t go chasing after anybody. A true Dom doesn’t need to play
‘hard to get.’
Step 3: Know your goal!
Take
the time to figure out what you want. It’s often hard for newbie subs
to do this because sometimes they lack knowledge of what choices are
available to them. ARM YOURSELF WITH KNOWLEDGE!!! There are many fine
publications, books, and internet websites that cater to sexual
submissives, so start reading! Learn about the different types of play
and how they should be conducted. Learn everything you can about how to
set up a Safety Net. Learn all the do’s and don’ts of meeting others and
playing safely. Decide what your limits are and set them down on paper.
This may seem like a lot of homework to do in the name of fun, but also
keep in mind that that it’s your ASS that’s (literally) on the line
here. Know what a real Dom acts like.
Remember,
you are probably a sexual submissive because you ARE in control the
rest of the time. You are strong! Likely even ambitious as well. You
have a career, or goals, or a lifestyle that demands this high level of
energy and control. Giving away your control can be a beautiful respite
from everyday life. Your power and energy is something you only want to
give to someone you trust, and in intimate situations at that. It’s a
very personal thing to you! Well guess what, sexual Dominants are
usually the compliment of this.
Doms
are strong people too, we do tend to be intelligent. Doms are often
highly trained professionals or skilled craftsmen. However, we tend to
avoid lifestyles and careers that demand they be in control all the
time. Doms tend to be easygoing. I have never in my life met, or even
heard of, an uptight sexual Dominant. We like being in control in
INTIMATE situations.
It’s
a respite from the way we live OUR everyday lives. We are not really
the opposite of you, but we are the ‘puzzle piece’ that fits next to you
snugly. In another words, don’t look for a Dom that’s exactly like you.
You won’t find him. Don’t look for a Dom that wants to run your whole
life; he doesn’t exist. ABOVE ALL, if you’re prospective Dom seems like a
generally ‘nice guy’ you’re likely on the right track! Take the time to
get to know him. Don’t let the five control freaks on the other side of
the chat room demand your attention. A natural Dom isn’t likely to make
demands until its time to play.
Step 4: Memorize the Acid Tests!
· When
in doubt, throw it out! Don’t waste your time with people that make you
feel uncomfortable. Even if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality
makes you feel uncomfortable ,he’s not going to be fun to play with.
· “You’d
better call me Sir!” is the mating call of a HNG or control freak. Real
Doms don’t have to ask for titles, we EARN them. Most real Doms will
say things like “please, call me Mike…”
· “I
want you to take my collar before you play with me.” This is another
common demand of fakes, most often made by control freaks. They have to
isolate you from other people and their advice, and sometimes a little
ole “cyber-collar” is just the thing!
· If
you get an Instant Message that says something like “On your knees you
[slave, slut, bitch,whore, etc.]” This is the mating call of the HNG.
Use some common sense here. Why waste your time with somebody that’s not
even polite? There’s a time and a place for these endearing terms.
· “I
don’t have to answer that question!” or “It’s not proper etiquette for
you to ask a Master that.” are examples of some the dangerous LIES that
control freaks and snerts use. This is the Acid test I personally think
is the most important! A Dom had better be ready to at least TRY and
answer every question you have, and HONESTLY at that! Its literally your
ass that’s on the line! Never forget this!
· “Its
my way or the highway!” or words to that effect, are the mating cry of
the common control freak. Doms can have Limits too, but its your Limits
that count FIRST. Don’t let any would-be ‘Dom’ tell you differently.
Don’t let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either. Where
Male Dom/fem sub play is concerned, it’s ALWAYS LADY’S CHOICE!
· Ask
your prospect if he’s ever made any mistakes during a scene. If he
say’s ‘no,’ run for your life! If he says, ‘very rarely,’ at least be
suspicious. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are experienced
players. Sometimes submissives have Limits they don’t even know about,
and even the most careful and skilled Dom in the world will trip over
these occasionally. Remember, according to our good friends of the
Christian faith, the last perfect guy to walk this planet got nailed to a
tree for his trouble. So expect competence, but not miracles
· “I’m
a [bank president, captain of industry, TV producer, self-made
millionaire. yadda yadda yadda.]” Wouldn’t it be nice to meet a Dom that
was rich? Sure it would! But use some common sense too. How many
captains of industry have hours to spend in an On-Line chat room? Also,
think about this personality profile; if this super successful,
always-in-control person is really into D/s, he’s likely a submissive! I
have met a lot of female submissives that fit this ambitious profile.
· “I’m
33 years old, and I’ve been a Master for 15 years.” Gimme a break! What
are the odds? When you ask about a Doms level of experience (and its a
good idea to do so) remember to do the math as well. 18 year old boys
don’t care about the intricacies of D/s; they want to get laid. Trust me
on this one Ladies, I was an 18 year old boy once! I personally believe
that people do become what they are (be it gay, straight, Dom or sub)
very early in life, but it takes maturity and training to be a Master.
What are the odds a person became a Master when they were still using
Clearasil?
· Ask
for references! Especially if he claims to be ‘very experienced.’ Talk
to the references. I notice that a lot of newbies seem to have trouble
with this concept. Which is understandable since in the vanilla world
its considered rude to talk to a guy’s ex-girlfriend. But in the D/s
Scene its the opposite, experienced players will accept and accommodate
this kind of request gladly.
· “I
have three real life collared slaves right now, but you can’t talk to
them.” Okay, when you consider the ratio and all, this sounds possible.
What makes this an acid test failed (and failed miserably at that) is
the last part. I have met couples (and even triples) that really were
looking for an extra person to add to the mix. This is not uncommon at
all in the Scene. But these couples were looking TOGETHER. If a ‘Dom’
has anyone already collared to them, you probably ought to talk to her
FIRST!
· “I
don’t need safe words.” Well of course he doesn’t! If he said this he’s
likely a snert and therefore he’s never really been in a scene! Of
course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn’t need safewords
either. Need I say more?
· “My
slaves trust me to set their Limits for them.” If you hear a “Dom” say
this it’s most likely because these slaves only exist in his mind. Or
worse still, his ‘slave’ is simply the victim of spouse abuse. Even TPE
(Total Power Exchange) and other sorts of 24/7 (i.e., full time) D/s
relationships should involve some careful negotiation.
· Insert
your own Acid Test here. You will learn much from your mistakes and
missteps. If you form an online contact with a “Dom” that falls through,
analyze WHY it fell through. Don’t make the same mistakes twice if you
can help it.
Finding
some female submissives to be buddies with you on your quest is a very
good idea. Especially if they are experienced players; they can give you
unique perspectives, emotional support, and even references to
legitimate Doms to play with. They can also, most importantly, provide a
Safety Net for you during those first meetings with the men you meet.
The benefits of teaming up with other women in your search should be
obvious! However, be just as cautious about what you hear from other
women online as well. If you are so inclined to search for a Domme for
instance, the Acid tests should apply just as well.
Be
very cautious about the women you meet online that claim to be
submissives as well. There is another class of “female enemy” that is
even more tragic and dangerous:
The Victim
The
Victim is just that; a victim of physical and or mental abuse that uses
D/s as an excuse to continue denying the reality of her tragic
situation. These people are disturbingly common as well. They are
dangerous to you! These women are not just full of very dangerous
advice, but they are usually very vehement about telling you that their
lifestyle is the only “real D/s.” They can fill your head full of doubts
faster than one of the male enemy types. Spare little sympathy, tell
them to get help, and stay the heck away from them (in exactly that
order). It may seem mercenary, but it is in fact the right thing to do.
This is my training as a CASA (Citizens Against Spouse Abuse) volunteer
talking. An abuse victim can only save herself, and then only when she
is ready to do so. If you let her vent her frustrations and fears on
you, she will then go back to her familiar little hell. Leaving you
emotionally drained and likely scared too. Your quest for safe play
partners is going to be tough enough as it is. Avoid Victims completely
if you can, and if you can’t, urge them to get help. It’s not your job
to save the world, keeping yourself safe and happy is enough work.
author unknown
