or recommended first steps into the BDSM universe
when browsing the BDSM related forums, you soon will find questions like "I want to start, where to I learn X or what do I need to practice or what Y do tops/doms/whatever like best". These questions usually express a hope - "I just have to learn following 3 things and change following 2 and i'm there".
Truth is, these approaches are doomed. There is no catalog of things you just have to learn by heart.
And there is no objective certificate you can take an exam for.
You will have to learn - learn hard - and be truthful to yourself - that might even be harder. But its rewarding :) I promise.
That said - lets see what you CAN do ...my suggestion are :
The fundamental rules
1) First rule of submissives : There is no "THE submissive
2) Second rule of submissives: There is no "THE submissive"
2) Second rule of submissives: There is no "THE submissive"
meaning -> There is no „All submissives must…”. Only those things ok for you are right for you. (Hint: There is no "all doms want..." either ...with the possible exception of "honesty" and "loyalty "and "powerrrr" ;-) )
3) As bottom part (sub, slave, toy, babygurl, whateveryoucallyourself) you are still a human too – and the bottom might not at times, but the human deserves respect – always. If a top ignores this, (s)he looses any right to demand your reverence - turn around and find others who do.
So how to go at it ?
a) Learn above rules by heart
b) ignore all “As a slave you must”-wannabees and “I know it all, so shut up and obey, you want to be a slave after all”-assholes.
c) read, read, listen, read, ask yourself, read, listen,
d) learn about yourself and about your fetishes and fantasies
e) ask, listen, read, listen, return to b (for a while)
f) find likeminded people, (still) don't start searching for a (play/bdsm)partner
g) ask, listen, read, listen, return to c for a while
h) choose a trustworthy opposite and start little experiments
i) learn about yourself and about your fetishes and fantasies
j) expand your horizon, then back to b (for a while)
k) expand further and ...
And always remember:
l) Flirting with someone does not mean marrying first, then kiss them and going all the way, either. So don't start by accepting someones collar - it is kind of similar.
m) If your human gut feeling tells you its not good for you – you may go, regardless of what you promised or the bottom signed. Your own health/sanity/family comes first.
n) Power always means responsibility, too. If top forgets this, (s)he looses his/her entitlement to your submission – you may go, regardless of what you promised or the bottom signed.
o) If you need help – you are not alone out there.
OK - fine - but how do I start now ...
as I said - start reading - here for instance: https://robs-ds.blogspot.com/2018/04/request-for-advice-how-to-start-despite.html
and have fun :)
